The Second Accident

What is the problem with love? Why is it after my life?

After almost a decade I was coming close to getting out of the dungeons. 10 long years, very long years. The pain had just started to subside. I had just started to think about the life that lay ahead and what I wanted to do with it. I had just taken the first step to it.

And, on that very road that was supposed to lead me out of the misery, I bumped into it. Yet again. Love! And, this time it is worse. So, for two reasons: first, its getting physical and second, my brain doesn't support me.

It is getting physical. Her smile makes me feel good. Makes me want to do something to make sure she continues to smile. And, it is killing me physically. Yes, it is. The smallest acts of her, ex: ignoring me, results in actual, physical heart ache. And, while I try to be close to her and make her happy, she is making all possible attempts to move away.

My brain does not support me. It knows that the heart is desperate. Desperate to fill a void, that cannot be filled. Therefore, falling for someone who doesn't even meet the basic requirements of my taste. There's lack of intellectual ability, lack of class, and more importantly, there's a lack of any interest in me.

The only thing that makes her worth loving - she has a heart. I've felt the warmth of that heart. And, its absence is what is hurting me now. The world that was all warm and sanguine sometime back has become cold. More cold than it has ever been.

In a world where most people consider themselves to be the master of the subject called love, there are souls who can't find a person who can provide basic human warmth. Isn't it funny. Isn't it ridiculous. All that I need (and quite badly) is someone with a heart I can bond with.

A reason - the absence of it has been the difference between me being alive and dead. A reason to not live. And, it seems that the reason is on its way. 

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