The Wound III

I never thought this could happen to me. But it has. For the first time ever, I've given up.

I'm hurting. The pain is more than it has ever been. And the more effort I make to improve the situation, the worse it gets. And, I fear that if I make any more attempts, and you react the way you have been doing, I would lose whatever control I have over myself. Any may end up doing something that may hurt you. And, that, I would not be able to bear. So, I've given up and chosen to bear this pain instead, even though I still desperately want things to be as they were.

This friendship was meant to be about trust and care, about love, about truth. But the closer I try to come to you, the further I end up from you.

You are lying to me, lying to get away from me. Being with me makes you uncomfortable. And you can't even say this to me. To get away, you lie. Again, and again, and again.

Do you realize how much better it would make me feel if you'd at least trust me enough to tell me what's on your mind. Why is it that you're uncomfortable being with the same person you once liked to be with.

All I need from you is to talk to me - with your heart, not your brain, to be happy to see me - a real smile is what I need.

Just a week back you said, "You're such a great friend." Don't you understand friendships are not about one person being a great friend, it's about both? A friendship is only as great as the lowest common denominator - the friend who values the friendship lesser. And I don't aspire to be a great friend. That should come naturally. I want our friendship to be great. I want you to reciprocate.

I asked you to help me find my friend, and our friendship - the friendship that was supposed to last a lifetime. But you didn't help.

I want to cry. To cry my heart out. But I can't. Because to cry too I need a friend, a friend just like you. I can wait. For as long as you want me to. Till then I'll live with this pain.