Was I wrong?

As all hope is vanquished,
that feeling is brought forth.
That the world was right,
And I was wrong.

As the rain,
only increases the pain,
this brain,
seems no more worthwhile than a clogged drain.

Sometime I wonder,
is the rationale behind my past acts so weak,
that every trouble,
leads me to evaluate the correctness of them.

Was I wrong in hurting the dusk,
replying to the questions with a mum?
Was I wrong, back then,
in walking out of the hall?

Was I wrong,
in standing for what I thought was right,
and still think it is/was?

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Even as I was writing this I was FBing. And got the news of one of the people from my past winning a national level beauty pageant. Sent a 'Congratulations' message.

I sit here jobless waiting for... and constantly coming to know of the people from my past who are excelling in their respective fields. Am I jealous - No. Am I happy - never knew them well enough to be happy for them, as much as I would want to.

While all that I want to do in life is just to while it through with a smile on my face. Sometimes even that becomes so difficult. Not because of the pain of what's happening to me but because of the pain that is caused by that feeling of being wrong.

With only an imaginary person, created from the remnants of the past, consoling me and telling me I'm right. And pushing me along. And since I don't suffer from schizophrenia, am aware that I can't trust the judgement of her, because she is nothing but a creation of me.

And again, as I am reminded of her, the feeling creeps in, Was I wrong?